If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
