i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm bleeding and have questions
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
