If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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