I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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