Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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