i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
