It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
