Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
