Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry alickalotapus hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(614): View more from Ohio

this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had

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(301): View more from Maryland

I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.

Fav 49 1182 5894
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(856): View more from New Jersey

She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism

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(778): View more from British Columbia

He should be castrated

(604): View more from British Columbia

Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons

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(619): View more from California

Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.

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(714): View more from California

Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.

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(602): View more from Arizona

I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time

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(713): View more from Texas

Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.

Fav 0 38 6
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(772): View more from Florida

I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.

Fav 0 72 5
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