I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
