When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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