eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
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