Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
