i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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