I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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