well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
