your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
