We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
