is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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