I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
