is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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