i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
