Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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