Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
