just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
