Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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