I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
