Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
