I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
