now i know why i became what i already was.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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