doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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