I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I need moral support for this bender
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
