I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize