There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
