i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
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