she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
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