there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
