32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
