One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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