epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
