remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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