cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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