Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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