I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
