oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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