You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
