Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
