he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just pee around me
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
