Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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