He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
