no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
